Wednesday, June 21, 2006

D. J. DAN PODCAST 06/21/06

The D.J. Dan podcast for June 21st, 2006 was uploaded to the Compass website at
Go to the D.J. Dan website and click on the 6/21 under podcast archives. This will redirect you to the letyourcompassguideyou website. Click on 108 degrees. Enter “Y” to the believer question and follow the path to the owelles folder to find the podcast listed as “DJDan6-21-Pod”. If you don’t see the link refresh your screen. The file name is LifeExtension_Jeep and is 4 minutes 7 seconds in length.

Transcription as follows:

Announcer: Coming to you live from the part of your craw where it all sticks.

Singing: D. J. Dan.

Announcer: You’re listening to D.J. Dan. Shutting down the man.

D. J. Dan: Life Extension! You know what that is? Its dumping hormones and drugs and cocktails of vitamins into your body in the sad hope you’ll squeeze out an extra10 or 20 years.

Tonya (different voice than previous): Good morning to you too, D. J. Dan.

D.J. Dan: Yep! Tonya, what’s a meaningful life?

Tonya: Ahh… one where you meet the entire living cast of Gunsmoke?

D.J. Dan: (Laughs) Tonya is just obsessed with T.V. westerns and while her response was glib she actually makes a good point. If you fulfill your hopes and desires, make an impact on the world, if you do these things and you have some fun in the process, have you not lived a good life?

Tonya: I’d say!

D.J. Dan: So, would you agree that Gandhi lived a good life? Martin Luther King? Jimmi Hendrix? Lou Gehrig? Jesus of Nazareth?

Tonya: That list only included men.

D.J. Dan: Fine! Fine! Mama Cass? Happy?

Tonya: Most of those people lived unnaturally short lives, D. J. Dan.

D.J. Dan: And yet they changed the world. They didn’t wait around. They didn’t buy into the lies of the man! Selling you on these pipe dreams. That’s right! Chris from Kansas City… what do you think?

Chris: Hi. Now look, D.J. Dan, I believe in Life Extension. O.K.

D.J. Dan: Hmm hmph… Tell me Chris are you enrolled in a Life Extension Program?

Chris: Yes I am. It’s manufactured by this local company called Flower of Life Enterprises.

D.J. Dan: Local! You say! Try local by way of Denmark! Chris?

Chris: Uh huh.

D.J. Dan: I don’t want to alarm you son, but you are in the grips of the big baddies!

Chris: Yeah, but I’m tellin’ you, I feel great!

D.J. Dan: And I’m telling you that Flower of Life Enterprises is a subsidiary of none other than… (drum and eerie music)

Announcer: The Hanso Foundation! (sinister laughter)

D.J. Dan: (Laughs) I figure I harp on these guys enough I oughtta have a button.

Chris: Huh. Who’s the Hanso Foundation?

D.J. Dan: Who’s the Hanso Foundation? Shutdown! Sorry Chris had to do it! I feel something coming on… It’s taking me over! It’s making me do this!

Tonya: Oh, here it comes again.

D.J. Dan: It’s a vast conspiracy, Tonya, of the medical community, the pharmaceutical companies, the wellness groups, and these pseudo-science quacks with their miracle formulas. Like the Hanso Foundation, they keep saying they will extend your life… It’s a vast conspiracy to take your money and lull you into a sense that you have all the time in the world. They’re singing a lullaby, Tonya, and the fight is going out of the world. Now, to answer Chris’ question, the Hanso Foundation is numero uno on my hit list. And why? ‘Cause they lie! ‘cause they are shrouded in secrecy. Because their founder Alvar Hanso, arms dealer turned peace-flag-waving-pseudo-scientist-liar-and-chief, Hanso himself, has been undergoing, according to one of my conspiraspy sources, life extension treatments that have rendered him a monkey-man! A freak show! Unfit for contact with the public! Why do you think no one has seen this guy in years? ‘Cause he’s swinging from the trees on some mountain in the Netherlands! Now, we’ve all seen their website and you’ve seen our hack artist Persephone’s good work. The Hanso Foundation Has this crazy orangutan named Joop. Yeah, he’s suppose to appeal to the kids but when you click on him he just goes frickin’ batty. Now, call me crazy but I’m willing to put money on the fact that this Joop is none other than Alvar Hanso himself. And I’m afraid Tonya. I’m afraid that any day our poor friend Chris is gonna look just like him. Conspiraspies, let me know… have I gone too far? Has D.J. Dan finally cracked up or could it be I’m on to something? Your theories, your rants, your raves, when we come back.

Announcer: You’re listening to D.J. Dan. Shutting down the man!

Outro music.

Jeep Compass Commercial.

Observations:O.K. looks like we need to look into the Flower of Life Enterprises and it sounds like D.J. Dan has been caught in the web of bizarre post theories. Joop = Alvar Hanso is right off of one of the boards. Glad to see they are using the warped theories to their advantage. While disturbing, this theory is also interesting.


ameliacrater said...

DJDan Quote:‘Cause he’s swinging from the trees on some mountain in the Netherlands!

I wonder why he mentioned the Netherlands? There are no mountains there...and it seems to me that if you were going to pull a "monkey swinging" metaphor to make a point the choice of the Netherlands is beyond random. Has the Netherlands come up in regards to Alvar Hanso before?

I found this blog via TLEClues site, where I lurk, but am too intimidated to post. You've got all the good stuff right here for easy reference. Nice job. Thanks!

The Alternative said...


Thanks for the vote of confidence. As for the Netherlands... it is an odd thing to say since the Netherlands are not associated with Hanso at all. We'll have to keep an eye on it for any furture reference. Also, I encourage you to post whenever you wish. I promise to can the trolling and the adolescent posts immediately.

The Alternative One